User Profile

I'm 23 years old living in California. I'm talented, a good friend, caring and compassionate. I'm easy going and easy to please. I love my personality and constantly try to improve myself as a person. You would think I have great self esteem. I lack the ability to love my body. Although I don't want to love it the way it is right now. All the personality in the world doesn't make up for having an imperfect body, and when I say "imperfect" I mean FAT. I'm 5'5" and 151 lbs. (Yes you can throw up just for the mental image that brings) I want to be tiny, thin, perfect, beautiful. I have always had an obsession with body image and shape, not just on myself, but everyone. I look at EVERYONE'S body. I pick it apart! I drool over and obsess when I see that perfect chick walking down the street with her bony hips and skinny legs, her collar bone sticky so far out, the skinny little arms and the beautiful shoulders! I was thin throughout most my life, but in the last year and a half have gained a lot. I went through a pretty rough time and came out the other end of in fat. It has been hard for me to lose it. I have struggled with things that have never been an issue for me before, cravings, binges, depression. My obsession over weight has gotten insane over the last 6 months! It's everything! I think about it every second, I mean, I don't know how a fat person doesn't think about it every second! It's this disgusting shell that you are stuck in all the time, there's never a break from it!! I'm overwhelmed by the weight I want to lose! At the same time I have lost a lot. When I say I came through the other end of a rough time fat, I don't mean 151 pounds... I was 175. Just thinking about that makes me nauseous! I can barely stand it! I can't believe I allowed it to happen. So I have lost 25 pounds, but that's not even close to my goals. Forget getting back to my old thin weight.... I want better! I want thinner! It helps to get this all out. I feel like there are people out there that understand my pain. That think the way that I do! The normal people! If I hear one more person ACT like they are "happy" with there fat body I'm going to freak out! It's ridiculous! They are not happy being fat! You can not love your body when it looks like that! I need a place where I can talk to people who have the same feelings I do.

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